Random thoughts...

I've had an awfully hard time sleeping lately and as a result... GRUMPY MAMA BEAR!

I hate it when I'm irritable and mean to my kids and husband. They don't deserve this treatment. Bryn asked me why I'm so happy in the morning and so grumpy at night. Try explaining that to a 4 year old at night when your exhausted. {not good}

Funny thing is, I know I'm grumpy. I know I'm in a terrible mood. I know I'm snapping at my kids left and right. I also know I need SLEEP. And then it hit me, I'm not getting sleep anytime soon, so DEAL WITH IT! As a mother we learn to deal with EVERYTHING from little scraped knees, to midnight chats with moody teenagers, to drama with friends, etc. The sleeping part is definitely important but being NICE and 'in the moment' is MOST important. I need to work on that and ignore the insomnia. It will pass. It always does.

I've been trying to focus my attention on "motherhood" lately. I just ordered this book online and can't wait for Mr. UPS man to rap-tap-tap on my door. It's called

"A mother's book of secret's" by one of my favorite inspired authors, Linda Eyre and her daughter Shawni Pothier.

One of my new favorite quotes is on motherhood by Anna Quindlen. It's from an article she wrote called "On Being A Mom."

"...the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make...I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of [my children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

I know this quote was written specifically for ME. I tear up every time I read it. It almost makes my heart race because I know what I need to do and I need to HURRY, RIGHT NOW and get started. I mustn't let another SECOND go by. It's so true and hits so close to home for me. But...it's a great reminder to STOP and smell the darn roses. I will do better. I will be nicer. I will FOCUS more. I will pay attention to the little details. I will LISTEN intently. I will journal the little moments. I DO NOT want to forget these precious souls that are on lease. I MUST help them become wonderful adults. That is MY job. That is MY duty. I love my life. Love it!

So... back to last night. After screaming at Bryn for 2 hours, trying to get her to GO TO BED {Joe usually calms me down at this point but unfortunately for the kids, he's out of town for the week}. ALL WAS QUIET. Could it be? Is she finally asleep? So I gently tip toed down the hall and peeked into her room to find this:

My heart simply melted and all my bad thoughts from the night drifted away. Lights were out, noise level... non-existent. Bryn was peacefully writing her letters and numbers on her little lap board. Oh how I love these precious moments. This is why my "job" is so worth it! These moments are simply PRICELESS! Tomorrow is a new day and I'm GOING to be happy ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. I've got this. My kids deserve this from me.